A mom on Facebook shared a now-popular plea: for all other working mothers to stop excusing their husbands’ laziness, and to leave their marriage if need be.
In the post, which Cate Nelson said she was sharing with permission from an unnamed mother, OP laments the usual advice given to tired moms.
“On every page I follow, in every parent group I am in, I see the same thing: mothers talking about how exhausted they are, how hurt they are by the imbalance of work in their heterosexual relationships. The problems are all some variation of “I just gave birth/am up half the night breastfeeding. Why do I have to also make dinner and clean while my spouse watches TV?” The advice is always the same: Be gentle with yourself. You can’t do it all. Parenthood is hard.”
This mom is done with the sugarcoating, and goes straight to the point.
“I don’t know which of you needs to hear this, but I’ll give you some better advice: Divorce his ass.”
She talks about how society is much gentler with fathers, and how they’re usually the first to get a break, no matter how tired a mother is.
“This cultural norm where a man buys his free time with his partner’s labor, suffering and sometimes with the literal destruction of her body is misogyny on steroids. Men are not innately incompetent or lazy or incapable of doing their fair share.”
She also reminds women that men who don’t pull their weight don’t deserve to have a wife. “Tell that jackass to get off the golf course, get his ass home, get up in the middle of the night with the baby, and start earning the right to stay married.”
She rightfully points out that lazy men are a dime a dozen, then cites her own husband, who’s in the criminal justice field, as an example of someone who works hard and still helps with their children. She ends the post with something short and simple.
“If he gets free time and you don’t, if he gets to sleep and you don’t, if you have to do the grunt work and he doesn’t, guess what. It’s not an accident. He knows exactly what he is doing. Division of labor imbalances in marriage are a form of spousal abuse. Stop making excuses for shitty men.”
Always demand what you deserve—and be prepared to abandon the person who refuses to give it to you—or be thankful for the supportive co-parent you have).
Her whole fed-up post is below. And it is good.