The 9 Real Winners of the Emmys

The Real Winners of the Emmys

Did you watch the 71st annual Emmy Awards last night? Awards were clutched. Tears were shed. Fleabag won, like, everything. (I guess we’re not the only ones who are obsessed.) Here are nine other winners who deserve a proper shout-out…

Bob Newhart 2019 Emmy Awards

Best Patter
As the Emmys were without a host this year, the interstitials were more important than ever. In an early sketch, Ben Stiller walked the audience through a history of great comedy shows, complete with wax figures of George Burns and Lucille Ball. When he got to his third subject — Bob Newhart — the figure started blinking angrily. “Ben. Ben. Ben! I’m alive,” Newhart deadpanned. “You thought I was dead! You put me with George and Lucy in the wax museum of comedy.” The joke continued throughout their set, both comedians never so much as cracking a smile.

Emmys Fashion 2019

Best Impersonation of a Pitcher Plant
They’re pink! They’re voluminous! They may or may not be filled with venomous liquid! And, if the red carpet was any indication, “sleeves-resembling-a-pitcher-plant” is the biggest new trend to watch out for. This award is a three-way tie between Mandy Moore, Zoe Kazan and Susan Kelechi Watson, whose sleeves were all something to behold. (Notably, RuPaul’s floral suit also nodded back to the theme.)

Emmy Awards 2019

Best Audience Reaction
Though it was a night full of big reactions, this award is hands-down the property of Jharrel Jerome’s Mom. When 21-year-old Jerome took to the stage to claim his Best Actor award for his role in When They See Us, his mom Radoyka was an adorable volcano of joy and tears. Jharrel’s speech — in which he dedicated his award to the Exonerated Five — made me cheer, but it was his mom’s visible pride that made me cry.

Laverne Cox Emmys

Most Impactful Accessory
The award goes to Laverne Cox’s Rainbow Bag. Laverne, who brought ACLU staff attorney Chase Strangio as her date, carried a bespoke rainbow clutch reading, “October 8, Title VII, Supreme Court” referencing the date the Supreme Court will begin oral arguments on a case that could legalize LGBTQ workplace discrimination.

Alex Borstein Emmy Awards

Best Personal Story
As she took the stage in her monogrammed dress to accept the Best Supporting Actress award for The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, Alex Borstein told a story about how her grandmother survived the Holocaust. “She said, ‘What happens if I step out of line?’ And [the guard] said, ‘I don’t have the heart to shoot you, but somebody will,’” Borstein said. “And she stepped out of line. And for that I am here, and for that my children are here. So step out of line, ladies.”

Billy Porter Emmy Hat

Look Most Readily Visible from Space
This one goes to Billy Porter’s hat. It was enormous! It was asymmetrical! It boasted more than 50,000 crystals. It was, in a word, glorious. Porter will go down in history as the first openly gay black man to win the Emmy for Best Lead Actor for his role in Pose. And he will go down in the history of my heart for donning that incredible hat.

John Oliver Emmys 2019

Best Shout-Out in a Thank You Speech
Upon winning the Emmy for Best Writing in a Variety Series, the team from Last Week Tonight With John Oliver thanked their office dog, Bruce, for “having floppy ears, getting belly rubs, and producing their piece on the Senate filibuster.” Though often overlooked, office dogs are very important members of society — for morale, for distractions, for the silent vacuuming of crumbs. Bruce was not present at the event, but we can only hope this will be remedied in the future. Congratulations, Bruce. I have no doubt your acknowledgment was well-deserved.

Natasha Lyonne Emmys 2019

Best Job Resembling an Emmy
As Fred Armisen strolled along the red carpet, it looked like he had won a life-sized Emmy. But no, that was his partner, Natasha Lyonne, shimmering in a head-to-toe golden ensemble. Though she did not take home any awards for her work in Russian Doll, she proved that sometimes, channeling the award is enough to make you look like a winner.

Michelle Williams Emmys 2019

Best Speech
Yes, this is blowing up Instagram feeds everywhere, but no recap would be complete without mentioning Michelle Williams’s speech, for her role in Fosse/Verdon. “The next time a woman — and especially a woman of color, because she stands to make 52 cents on the dollar compared to her white, male counterpart — tells you what she needs in order to do her job, listen to her. Believe her,” Williams said, speaking about the pay gap in Hollywood (and everywhere else). Pardon me while I wipe my tears. And also bleach my hair.

If you watched the Emmys, what did you think? What were your favorite moments? We’d love to hear… And here’s the New York Times’s full list of the winners.

P.S. The best TV shows for couples and actors reading Yelp reviews.